May 22-28, '05

(May, 2005)

B and I have our last hangout before his trip to the Philippines. Narc invites me back over for Sunday evening. I meet Hammer for sushi first. Narc and I go to see Star Wars. Narc and I meet Hammer and the Wizard at the Corner Bistro. Mom and I watch the season finale of 24. Narc and I go to the Wizard's for a dinner party. I introduce Narc to IrishBird. Narc and I are together from Sunday night through Thursday morning with only a few hours apart. My stepbrother starts to say a few words and can play tic-tac-toe. Anxious pisses me off with her comments about my hair. Narc leaves for his weekend retreat. I meet B for lunch and throw up. I take my last voice lesson for a while. Anxious and I email fight. NDN is back from Mexico. I meet NDN's friends Nate and Anya and we go to Jake's party and Congee Village. I spend an afternoon at home singing.

May 15-21, '05

(May, 2005)

I'm late to meet B at Church, and he's annoyed with me. We find the waterfall spot. Narc calls and says I left my cellphone charger there, inviting me back over. We have sex again, before he leaves for the NIN concert. I yell at the guy at the Indian takeout restaurant. I meet the Texan at Cheers. He calls to ask me for a date. (I don't pick up). NDN takes off for Mexico. I go to my cousin's graduation at Columbia. I send Narc an email about the "Angel of History." He writes back. Anxious sends me a nasty email about the Stallion. I finish teaching for the semester. I redo my blog template. I call Narc sober and he invites me over. We go to Yaffa's for the first time. I tell him I love him. I tell him I was heartbroken when he stood me up for the opera. He kisses me and says he wants to make it up to me. We have the "steel plate" converstaion. Back at his place, he tells me he loves me over and over. He says it has been true for a while.

May 8-14, '05

(May, 2005)

I go out to Long Island for Mother's Day. My stepbrother starts to smile at people and offer kisses goodbye. He can take food on his own and draw circles. The Stallion comes over and the Elvis special is on TV. I send Narc a "Happy Birthday" email. He writes back. NDN gets a new job. Bezoukhoff and I sing through the Mozart Requiem. I feel depressed and to take control, I dye my hair black. I finally accept that my skinny jeans no longer fit me. NDN and I bump into FourteenthFloorBoy at Cheers. I see MarriedGuy at Cheers for the first time since last fall. Hammer and the Wizard spot Narc near the waterfront. I bring NDN to Lindsay's party. Jake comes to Cheers and then to Manchester with me. I confront DateRapeGuy and tell him it was NOT consensual sex. I call Narc and he invites me down. I tell him and CouchSleeper that my hair is black because he "broke my heart." Narc is physically intense with me.

May 1-7, '05

(May, 2005)

I have dinner with NV. Later that night, I get a visit from the Stallion. We hang out at Rudy's do lots of coke and plan to see his friend spinning downtown. He tells me that I'm "important to him," that I've "changed his life," that "I'm too amazing to be second place" and that he "loves me." We meet up with his friend Mike. I contemplate the "Personal is Political." I acknowledge that I'm a Dr. Phil addict. I bond with Judit, the Hungarian waitress at Cheers. Bezoukhoff gives me the Mercury dime. Bezoukhoff tries to show me a Russian movie and do the voiceover, but I'm too drunk for it to work. I'm obsessed with the Mozart Requiem and Jeff Buckely. PumpedUp says that I'm a "good girl." I start the practice of drunk texting myself. Narc texts me that he's going to "take the evening off from writing" and he invites me over. NDN kisses Hillary Clinton. IrishBird tells me she hopes I don't end up with a "broken nose." Narc and I have an awkward hang-out. He shows me his photos of the Exhibitionist. We have unprotected sex. NDN, Hugo and I go to Sutton Place. B and I go to St. John the Divine and later fight and make up. I meet my mom and sisters at the Middle Eastern restaurant for dinner.