Apr 17-23, '05

(April, 2005)

I feel lonely and call a lot of friends. I sit in Bryant Park and talk to Liu on the phone for a long time. NDN and I play backgammon at Thaddy Con's. At Manchester, I meet a French politician who works at the UN. Hammer and I go to hear Tom Laqueur talk at Rutgers. I meet Anxious for drinks and she tells me about kissing her Spanish teacher. Hammer joins us. I text Narc to "come fuck me." Hammer thinks I have a crush on Prof PP. I call the Stallion drunk and high and talk to him for half an hour. I call Sunshine in the middle of the night. I make a resolution to do better. Bezoukhoff and I hang out and he tells me about "Schtrilitz" I show him my artwork. I don't stick to my resolution and instead, do some lines. Anxious and I continue to bicker. BarMan has a strange date at Cheers. I send Narc an article about drunk texting. NDN and John and I go to a comedy show. Later that night Stallion meets us at Fubar. I bring him home, and later Narc shows up. The Stallion sleeps in my room. I stay in the living room with Narc. Narc opens up about his depression. He tells me that he "really does love me" and that he knows he doesn't say it enough. Narc mentions the Exhibitionist, by name, for the first time. We awkwardly part and he says he needs a week "to process."